I just did something disgusting.

You know your oven? You know the grilling tray up top that NEVER gets taken out? Well, I took ours out.

Freaking Hell!!

The foul mess didn't get shoved back in (but the temptation was strong). Instead I stripped the oven down to its undies, chucked everything in the dishwasher, and slapped that 'pots and pans' setting hard. (This is the setting that etches our glasses so I figure it's powerful enough for the job.) I slam the dishwasher door walked away, well pleased with our civilisation's time-saving appliance.

Cycle finished. I expect to see sparkling clean shelves and a spotless tray.

NO.

OK, so it's been a while, maybe it just needs another go. Slammed the door again and made it redo its thing.


Opened door. Quickly reevaluated to reach a conclusion that the tray was not going to be cleaned in this manner. A fucking Robo-wash at an engine reconditioner's shop may not have had any luck either.

So I scrub it by hand like the OLDEN DAY PEOPLE had to, with the accompanying sloshing of hot, greasy water down my front cos the fucking thing doesn't fit in the sink properly.

At least I know it's good for another 2 years now.

Submission frustrations

I was once told, (by an editor), that: ‘You have too much invested in your submissions if you can’t stand to wait a year or more for a reply’.

Damn!?!? Well, yeah, I DO invest a lot of myself in my work. If I didn’t, what would be the point of sitting here joining words together? (And deleting most of them again.) I pondered this industry attitude where submissions are reduced to brightly coloured shapes that must fit well-worn holes.

At the end of my think I still feel a year is an excessive length of time for a publisher to sit on a manuscript.

As I understand it, a single editor glances over each new submission. He or she may not quite love your story enough to publish it as is, nor will they necessarily feel they have an obligation to follow up with the author.

I welcome myself to harsh reality.

How is a writer to succeed? Pure chance must play a huge role when you are faced with a single person’s opinion or mindset. We toss our manuscripts at the publishing world’s cyclone and hope it lands on a desk whose editor just got laid, has had a coffee and feels OK with the world.

Many publishers I submitted to were clearly overloaded. Some indicated they wouldn’t be able to respond to submissions for weeks or months. But in their search for polished gold they continue taking on more ore.

How many dusty gems sit right now in their unread slush piles?

Few publishers have a definite acknowledgment structure for submissions. It’s left to the author to judge the amount of queries to make and when to pull their submission. But you will soon run out of reputable publishers by irritating them with your needs.

Yes it was quite a hard think I had. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all the points of view here.

Eventually, feeling my enthusiasm gradually wind down at the utter lack of communication, I self-published. The instant response from the public forum was incredibly gratifying. Honest opinion, praise and criticism abound on the net.

There’s no real point to this post. I’ve tried very hard to edit out the whining. (Took a while.) I know our selfish human natures play a role on both sides of this haphazardly erected fence. I made my own gate. Some are content to wait at the door.

All I’m really after is the briefest reply from those who control the market. ‘Yes, we like it’; ‘No, it’s crap’; ‘Needs work along the following lines...’. Give me some feedback so I can edit, delete or move to my next project.

Karma

I would like to quantify my belief in Karma. Mainly for people who stand back and smirk at my espousal and think I’m a hippy throw-back. I realise I talk about Karma a lot. I really do believe in its Positive and Negative charges, hopefully in a most rational way. (For anyone looking to induce religious connotations here, I do not believe in a higher being; my belief is in our inner selves. Take responsibility for yourself!)

My belief is simple yet has a complicated classification. Let’s start with the supposition that everything we do has a consequence. Whether those consequences are good or bad is weighted by our previous actions to some extent. Though, annoyingly, not always. There is an esoteric randomness that makes scientific dissection of this subject useless. Speaking philosophically is a better way to understand such a thing.

Let’s start with something small. You’re late, though you stop to hold a door that may have closed on a person behind you. Instead of contributing to this person’s Negative charge you allow them to continue on unchanged, or perhaps they may go out of their way to help another in a cumulative remembrance of the Positive act.

Yes, I know this example should be covered by common courtesy, but humans are naturally selfish creatures and we need prompting at times.

Each time we go the tiniest bit out of our way to assist another person I believe we take on a Positive charge. This charge can be negated by a smile; a thank you; or the start of a relationship. Karma is balanced.

Some of you will have raised eyebrows. Some of you will be still with me. If you like, Karma can also be called ‘basic decency and a wish to cause no harm’. Karma is a shorter handle for me.

Then we diverge to the smirking and elbowing of peers at the less understood part of Karma.

The unrewarded accumulation of a Positive Karma charge.

Example: Every time you secure a loose shopping trolley, or pick up a piece of glass from the beach you accumulate Undischarged Positive Karma. There is no-one watching, maybe no-one would ever have been affected by your act, but nonetheless you have acted Positively and may benefit. (I’m not sure you’re allowed to be consumed by hatred for the person who smashed the bottle or let their trolley roam free. Maybe this explains why many good acts go unrewarded.)

OK. Rewards. We are not allowed to expect a reward. Positive things may happen because we act selflessly, but if we contrive to do good deeds all week and then expect to win the lotto we’re bound for disappointment and depression. Therein lies a Negative charge that can be passed on in much the same way as a Positive charge.

You do not have to strive to emulate the Dali Lama. Just do good occasionally at a time you would have done nothing. From there it’s between you and Karma.

Fatal cure is FINISHED

My first serial horror novel ‘Fatal Cure’ has ‘THE END...FOR NOW’, typed on the last page. It is a complete novel, though I deliberately left it open for a sequel. Mainly because Sam’s character has proved to be so much fun to torture.

While I originally had a fairly finished draft to work from, I let the steering wheel go and sat back with the passengers a few times on this ride. Letting the designated guided tour get hijacked and become a mystery flight opened Sam’s troubles into a world of pain. I went with it and let random inspiration dictate the story.

I allowed this to happen figuring the car with no brakes will reach the bottom of the mountain the same as the one carefully navigating switch-backed curves. Maybe it will be on fire and unrecognisable, but that too is a good analogy for publishing in a serial format.

Constrained by self-imposed deadlines to prevent readers disappearing in droves, I published earlier than I would have liked on several occasions, (late), with my reader’s anticipation in mind. All avenues were not explored as I normally would.

And yet I think the end result is acceptable.

To me in any case.

I have thanked everyone who contributed to the project with suggestions, criticism and encouragement on the Serial Killers blog. I do so again here as you, my readers, are the reason I write. Sure, I did this for myself as well. I was unwilling to risk wondering for the rest of my life, ‘what if I wrote that novel?’, but the satisfaction is in entertaining you all.

If you haven’t started reading the story you can start from HERE. Please Bookmark me in your favourite News Reader and spread the word to your friends if you enjoyed my style.

Cam specs for new engine. Please note the largeness of everything.

More Charitable Than Thou.

I’m reading Jeremy Clarkson’s book ‘And Another Thing...’ and reached a section about the charity bashes he attends or is invited to. He said, while looking around at the waiters, bands, caterers and entertainment, he wondered how much it all cost. After making enquiries as to how much money actually made it to the charities, the answer was disturbing.

‘Not a lot’. Most charities get a mention in the paper or a tiny percentage. It’s almost as if rich people use the charity as an excuse to have a party, get themselves some publicity and raise their self-esteem in regards to their philanthropy.

Personally, I believe the Karma of public giving has already been balanced. Nothing has been banked. Sometimes the accrual falls short. If the giver receives more benefit from the act than the charity itself, it’s a pretty poor reflection on that individual, (or company), whether you believe in Karma or not.

We’ve managed to bypass the guilt-tripping, holier than thou, door-knocking, telemarketing annoyances who wait until you’re sitting on the toilet, or engrossed in work, to interrupt you with tales of woe. They still waste my time, (although I’ve stopped answering calls that aren’t on our pre-approved list), as we won’t give money to these collectors anymore.

But that doesn’t make us miserly, skinflints and hard-hearted bastards. We aren’t.

For all its faults, my Wife’s employer, a major Australian-owned company, has a system for donating that can be taken directly from an employee's pay. Better yet, they vet the charity to make sure the money goes to the right place. And amazingly they match employee donations dollar for dollar. Sometimes two for one.

But armed with this fact I still have to face down the dubious or outright scornful collectors leaving our doorstep empty-handed. I don’t even know these people, and I don’t know what they get out of making me feel like a child murderer. For argument's sake, so what if I am lying? That’s between me and Karma. Where’s the percentage in bringing their charity's name into disrepute with snide remarks?

We are completely fine with our level of support to the extended community, and we get offended at some charity's unprofessional volunteers. These tin-rattlers have had a crash-course in ‘bunging on the guilt’. We got a good one recently. “So you don’t care about brain damaged children?”

Answers to questions like that is nitrous to the engine and I’ve found revving up their self-righteousness doesn’t get them out of our yard any quicker.

I have a new strategy to avoid fist fights. I give them the Wife’s employer’s number, and ask them to add their charity to the approved list. Then I put it to them directly. Which is preferable? A double donation into a charity's bank account or ten bucks right now that has to make it past a collector’s conscience.

Stop. Stop. Stop. You’re bashing the keyboard to tell me a few things about tar and brushes.

GUARANTEED delivery of a donation or POSSIBLE filching by the ‘carton of beer for my trouble’ collector. Do the math.

How to write - Part 2

Writing fiction successfully – What’s it all about?

I define ‘it’ as extracting an idea from one’s head and forcing it into words that must line up in orderly rows on a page in such a manner that other people can understand the information contained therein. And be blown away by the result.

Didjagetallthat?

Personal attempts to fulfil the above are difficult to break down, so good luck getting anything useful from the following.

I relate my methods neither as advice nor enlightenment. You’d agree if you had the opportunity to check out the haphazard and unprofessional way I peck at the keyboard, offhandedly playing a game on a social networking site at the same time, or ducking out to dig a hole. Take what you want from my opinions here but if you expected a foolproof formula backed up by rigid discipline as my Grand Plan, forget it.

I take breaks. Removing myself from the story from time to time is an important part of writing. It’s not due to laziness or the result of a short attention span. It’s amazing what the brain comes up with by itself when you stop trying to force it. Theories abound about this phenomenon and I’ve picked a couple that suit me. We’re all different so go ahead, choose different ones.

(Deadlines really balls-up this essential requirement.)

How about 'Inspiration'? Halfway through mowing the lawn can be an awkward time for the Great Idea to happen, but breakthroughs should be written down immediately. You’ll hate yourself later if it evaporates un-noted. So what if you get grass clippings all through the house and the neighbours scratch their heads because your mower sits idling unattended for 20 minutes? What price can you put on Literary Nirvana?

(Until the edit. That’s when you’ll find the paragraphs refuse to mesh, and the tenses are all wrong. By the way, if you’ve ever experienced the loss of an idea because of your own laziness I can commiserate.)

Then there are the exceptional days. Unnoticed, darkness has descended and you’ve edited an inconceivably crappy bunch of words into a remarkably readable paragraph. That’s right; sometimes a day’s work will result in one, single, usable paragraph. Hopefully you’ve also jotted another bunch of junk below it for tomorrow’s repair session.

And you might have a headache.

Beware the generically offered ‘Secrets to Literary Success’. I know the people selling this crap are rich and successful. Look who’s throwing money at them. You, Dummy.

It’s the bunch of worthless, shitty platitudes you purchase that annoys me. I’m convinced that there is no secret. You CAN seek advice from many sources and build a support base of intelligent people, then use your mind to create new worlds by actually typing words on the screen. Or you could try whinging a lot and write nothing at all.

Harsh? Yes. True? Absolutely. Unnecessarily arrogant? Maybe.

Writing is an intensely personal, human-spirited endeavour. There is no 'wrong way' if the end result is pleasing. Find YOUR way.

Like it? See - How to Write - Part 1