Thursday, 3 July 2008

Dancing with the heathen tribe

I can’t leave this subject alone. It keeps exploding in my face. You’re copping the shrapnel.

I feel sorry for you religious nuts wasting an entire life huddled in fear and guilt. All those worries about getting into some Heaven.

Muslim men can kill in God’s name and guarantee themselves a place up there. They get a bonus bunch of virgins on arrival like a basket of fruit at a flash hotel. (What do the women get? To be virgins again? Better than getting a bunch of virgin men, hey girls. I was hopeless...at first...good now but.)

Catholics have a handy automatic redemption function that allows them to lie, cheat and steal and they’re in anyway. Yay, let’s fornicate, sorry about that God, which cloud is mine?

Christians don't want their Heaven to be filled with a bunch of remorseful murderers, rapists and thieves from other faiths so they have a different stratagem. They are the holy door guards and won’t hesitate to slam them in the face of anyone who hasn’t believed ‘correctly’. Grew up somewhere remote and never heard of Jesus? Too bad, Hell’s that way. Slam.

And what problem could any of us have with this next far out notion? Each mistake we make in this world is recorded by some ever vigilant being who scrutinizes our every tiny word and deed. Transgressors will be punished FOREVER! FOREVER! That's a long time to be punished for skimping on your tithings.

And we’re all going to Hell if we don't believe in one specific God. Which one? Don't tell me, provide proof. I’ll stop giving money to the Red Cross and RSPCA and I’ll give all my money to whoever can convince me. Well actually I won’t. The Red Cross and the RSPCA need it more and I’d rather spend what’s left on cars and alcohol. Makes my last statement a lie. Shit, I’m screwed, might as well be evil, starting right now. No point being evil in Hell. Never was a conformist.

If you chose to regret my beliefs then be aware I’m probably having more guilt free fun than you. Smugly assure yourself that I’m going to be punished but refrain from letting me know your opinion. I don't need doorstep preachers spouting nonsense in my face trying to fix me. Don't let me catch you slumming it down in Hell either after all your high and mighty talk. (Edited under family pressure.)

(Like it? See - Religion)

3 comments:

Girl of LA said...

Oh come come now. Not all of us Christians are like that!

Then again, I probably shouldn't talk....especially once I start posting on other topics and experiences....but still!! :)

Coops said...

You're right. I do tend to generalise when I get annoyed. But I am pointing the finger at the radical few.

Girl of LA said...

Understood. I think most of us do. I know in my political post I did that a wee bit. ;)

But hey, what kind of reader would I be if I didn't point out those little details? ;) Just kidding. :)