Cognac

The family decided to buy a bottle of Cognac for a 40^th birthday.

A special 15 year old Cognac with a pedigree going back several hundred years seemed apt. Only one place in Australia had a website that stocked it. The wife bought it online using her name as the purchaser and her brother’s name as the receiver. Easy. Done deal.

We got a return email. ‘Private sales attract a 20% charge.’

OK, charge us. We want it.

Couldn’t get the website to understand that we wanted an invoice. I tried the old standby. The phone. Nobody answers. I break a cardinal rule and leave my name and explain I want to pay for an item my wife had ordered online. When they finally got back to me the lady’s all confused.

I’m leaving out her side of the conversation.

“Yes, my wife, (with a different last name), has already made an order online.” Look it up. Tap some fricken keys for crying out loud.

“Yes, her brother, the person it is addressed to, has the same surname. He is not her husband. That would be me.” OK. I can see where you might go wrong there.

“Yes, I live at the same address as her and my surname is different.” Do I sense disapproval? I sense withered, old, moralistic, opinionated hag.

“My wife’s brother’s wife also has a different last name. She lives at the same address and will be the contact to receive the parcel.” Do I sense more disapproval? Maybe you can shove your Cognac.

“Yes, the billing address and the receiving address are in different states. We’ll pay for it but the invoice should go with the parcel to the receiver.” Her opinion of my dirty commoner money seemed less disapproving.

I do understand a person who speaks English as their second language may have trouble with this. I got two call backs to decipher if this was indeed what I wanted. I refuse to believe I’m the retard here.

As complicated, (or not), as this might sound, all this info was already clearly set out in the online ordering form we'd filled in earlier. The only reason it got all fucked up was their inability to sell to the public through their website because their web designer is a wanker.

Gifts will consist of off the shelf items from now on and I’m not speaking to anyone on the phone for a week.

(Like it? See - The whole world is against me)