New computer

I had great hopes for the new computer. A new age of crashless use, speedy downloads, exemplary file retrieval and no more grinding hard drive.

Well I didn’t get all those things. Bloody Word crashed in the middle of a long edit. One of those long blacked out periods where I just sit here and work. Brand new computer, crashed. Word not responding. &%^#*$#^&%. I have now changed the setting to save every minute. Don’t bother telling me that I should have done that earlier.

Bit of a steep learning curve to get used to the new programmes after using the previous one for 5 years. I don’t want to go back though.

The salesman talked me into getting a set of very nice speakers with the package. They are the Logitech Z-10 if you’re interested. They have great sound and, with judicious use of Heavy Metal CD’s, they manage to cover the sound of 5 fans whizzing around at high speed in the new Nine Hundred Advanced Gaming Case. I think the salesman wanted it more than I did. Mind you, the promo for the case showed a mini-gun extending from the front and mine doesn’t have that. Bit of a disappointment. And it’s got cup holders for crying out loud. Yes it is a cup holder and that’s what I’m going to use it for. Nothing could possibly tip over and pour through the 200mm fan opening next to it.

I have been loading my CD’s onto the hard drive and I find the recognition software quite astounding. (I’m so stone age.) It tells me what’s on the disc automatically then calls up information from the Internet so I can buy the album or get a review and background on the band amongst other stuff. You probably know all this but to me it’s all new.

The 24 inch screen is awesome. I think I’m wasting it at the moment but will work out how to make full use of it soon.

I think I’ll buy some of that sound proofing foam from Clark Rubber and make a front for the tower cavity. The case is so big I had to take the top drawer out but I can live with that.

I even like my new keyboard and mouse. They were ‘free’ and they still have the analogue connections instead of the USB but no matter. There are about 10 USB ports in the case allowing me to plug in all my toys without screwing around unplugging other stuff. Hooray.

The write stuff

No wonder people who retire don't get bored. Not that I think I'm retired, but working from home always makes people think you're doing it pretty easy. I've had an exceptionally busy week getting things done that have been pushed back for one reason or another. I might not be making any money I feel like I've achieved something.

Speaking of money, I’ve brought in about $1000 on eBay. The listing and selling process for the 4 items probably took the best part of a day when added up. That’s a $1000 a day. Pity it’s the only day. I wonder if the wife will notice if I start selling some of her stuff.

The exhaust leak on the Monaro wasn't fixing itself so I pulled the extractors off AGAIN. Had to clean out the spiders in the carport first. They freak me out and I'm sure it was amusing for the neighbours to watch me murdering them. Last time I touched the Monaro was about 10 weeks ago. The recent heavy storms washed about a tonne of dirt into the carport too, so it needed a good clean out. The interior of the Monaro is starting to go mouldy. I'll give it a scorch in the sun tomorrow then clean it properly. At least the motor started. Eventually. After charging the battery and screwing around with the plugs.

I threw the exhaust manifold gaskets away choosing to use gasket compound alone this time against all advice. The Group A heads are D ported and the standard manifold gasket were obscuring the ports. Thankfully it didn’t leak when I tested my work.

The garden has gone spastic. Everything has loved the rain. Some plants have grown over 300mm in 10 days. Exaggeration? I think not. The heavy pruning I applied will not even be noticeable by next week at this rate. Mowing wasn’t very successful. The ground is still so wet the long grass stays damp and clogs the mower. Once again I'm left with those stupid looking wheel marks that spring back up after I'm finished and make a mockery of the whole exercise.

I’ve stripped and undercoated the new bonnet. Massive exercise. I really should get a mask. I don't get why people sniff paint for fun. Just gives me a headache. Rubbing back the undercoat will irritate the hell out of me but then it’s onwards to the final coat and the fabled dummy fitting of the scoop. Still haven't worked out how to mount it yet. Every day I get a little further on the old girl so I’m motivated to keep going. The only problem seems to be when that one small obstruction totally cancels out all my momentum. I am constantly working on this flaw to maintain progress.

Still working on a 'simple, short story' that I intended submitting a month ago. Instead of procrastinating, the problem with this story is too much attention. The damn thing could become a book with the level of detail that creeps in. It's a short story, dammit. It doesn't need every slightest nuance explained. I'll convince myself eventually.

(Like it? See -Manual labourer enters virtual world).

The whole world is against me - PART 4

(Return to - PART 1, PART 2, PART 3)

I don't really want to get under the house either, but I'm motivated. I run the new cable and only zap myself once while crawling awkwardly under the lowest part of the house. We just had 500mm of rain and its real wet under there. The mozzies think it’s awesome that I've crawled in to be with them too.

Fast forward past the rest of this experience. Just so you know, it sucked.

Back in the house and I yank the new line up and connect it. It doesn't work still. Brand new line, what the hell? My feet and ankles are upset too. I’ve got so many mozzie bites they look like novelty condoms, and all for nothing.

I disconnect the extension and suddenly everything works. I connect the extension and the line drops out. What the hell?

I pull the Internet line filter off and it works. The ah-ha moment. My extremely slow, plodding method of troubleshooting was getting somewhere. Now why was the bloody filter affecting the line like this? That would have been a question the BLOODY PHONE TECHNICIAN could have answered, wouldn't it?

I'm hot and dirty and annoyed. It still feels like spiders are running through my hair even though I smashed my head on enough floor joists while under the house that I don't think any could have survived.

I took the phone line filter to my operating room (garage) for a bit of in depth surgery. I persuaded it to open with my No. 3 engineers hammer. It explodes into pieces which I pick up and examine. There, on one of the tiny little gold connectors, is an even tinier bit of green corrosion.

So thanks for nothing current phone service provider, we're changing back to Telstra, and we'll never be back. Hopefully Telstra has forgotten we said the same thing to them a few years ago.

I swear these are factual events. Names have only been omitted to protect the guilty and save me facing slander charges. Maybe I don't need to write alternative fiction or horror stories. I should just write a diary, it would amount to the same thing.

(Like it? See - Sex)

The whole world is against me - PART 3

(Return to - PART 1, PART 2)

Tuesday. Telephone repairman doesn't turn up. I'm not going on hold again so I swear at the cat instead. The wife has gone to Melbourne. Good timing.

Sparky No. 2 turns up on Wednesday. They’re here on the right day. Didn't call to check if anyone was home, but they’re quick and neat and don't break anything.

One of the A/C's comes out of the box with the side kicked in, but they actually have a spare one and replace it straight away. That's a good thing; I prefer to put my own dents in my stuff.

For some reason I look in the front yard and blow me down there’s some dude yanking wires out of a hole in the front lawn. My thongs almost catch fire as I run out. Yes, it's a Telstra contractor. He seems to think the problem is in the pit. He won’t go near the box dangling under the house even after I point to it and admit some retards have dislodged it recently. He looks up at me real slow. I can already see there's no way he's even contemplating crawling under the house.

He fiddles around for a bit. It’s fixed, he reckons, and drives away saying he'll ring me from down the street to check the line. I feel a strong urge to make him leave his wallet with me so he has to come back. He rings up and the phone line’s still crap. Amazingly he actually comes back but still won’t look at the dangling box. Not even a little side-long glance. He comes inside the house instead and pulls apart the phone line.

'Yep, I've fixed it this time.'

Bugger me the main phone does work, but now the extension has shit itself. That's the one that runs the Internet connection. The Internet connection that was still working before he started fucking with the line. The same line that I really need for research my articles and make submissions. I ask him if he’s going to have a look and he says:

“Gonna cost you $33 every 15 mins (plus this and that) but I've only got 2 days left on this job and I really can’t be fucked.”

If only I had my steel caps on, I'd kick him fair in the nuts.

I carefully explain my need to have the connection working and I don't care how much it costs. He can’t be persuaded. He tries to get me to ask the blokes putting the A/C’s in to do it.

“Fuck it, I’ll do it,” I say.

He has a think and decides it’s better than him doing it so, ok, whatever.

“Look, it’s pretty easy, I'll give you some wire and you can run a new extension and hook it up yourself.”

So he goes back to his van and cuts off a handful of wire. I stand forlornly by the kerb, holding about 100 metres of telephone cable in my hand, watching him drive away to not help the next customer.

(Like it? See – The whole world is against me – PART 4)

The whole world is against me - PART 2

(Return to – The whole world is against me – PART 1)

Woke up the next morning to all the power going out. Sparky No.1 has come back and shut off the mains without checking to see if anyone was on a heart/lung machine. Didn't get angry, at least something is getting done.

Just after he left I discovered the phone’s on the blink, it'll only ring once and the lines crackles louder than...well, louder than the guy that always sits in front of me at the cinema with the oversize packet of chips. I search around where the electricians have been working and see a box dangling underneath the house.

The phone connection. Sparky No. 1 has knocked it off while he was cutting the earth wire out. Son of a bitch.

Couldn't do anything with the phone line myself so I ring our provider. 26 minutes on hold until someone picks up. I try to explain the problem. He says he'll check the line and ring back.

Never rings back.

I ring again and this time I'm on hold for 24 minutes. I get some Indian dude. It’s cliche city for God's’ sake. The line's really bad and I can’t understand what the hell he's saying, there's no way I'm hanging up and trying again. I manage to convey the message that I've already reported the fault, and I just want to talk to the same guy. He wants to go through the whole procedure again.

I am very close to screaming. Seriously.

Finally he says someone will come and take a look...in 5 days...they'll turn up whenever they want. And no, they can’t call first, you’ll be on a priority list. At the friggin bottom most likely.

Days later, Sparky No. 2 turns up out of the blue and does a quote for the A/C's. (Do they really rely on people just staying at home waiting for them to turn up?) He can have them in at the end of the week. Nice. Pretty expensive, but we check his price against some companies on the web and it looks close. We ring back to confirm our order.

“We can do it week after next.”

“What happened to getting them in this week?”

“Oh no, we’ll have to order them first.”

I'm gritting my teeth so hard I think a piece flew off. Probably just plaque.

“OK. When? Can you give me a day and a time? PLEASE.”

“Well..maybe Wednesday, sometime, maybe.”

I get on the net, somehow it's still working, and have a look at the stock market. It’s crashing. We lose $17,000.

(Like it? See – The whole world is against me – PART 3)

The whole world is against me - PART 1

This post is about a bad week I had a while ago. I’ve only just managed to find it funny now.

I made a decision to quit my job, registered as a sole trader and started my own business as a freelance writer.

Now a writer needs to be comfortable so he can 'get into the zone'. This is reasonably difficult to achieve when living in the tropics, particularly when your house is stupidly designed not to cool itself efficiently. I decided we should air condition the computer room. This way I wouldn't be able to play the 'it's too hot' card. I’ll use any excuse not to write.

Immediately my crafty plan encountered a problem. We couldn't get another air conditioner fitted as the meter board was way out of date, (1960's), and couldn't handle any extra load. Strictly speaking we shouldn’t be using the existing lounge room A/C and the stove at the same time or we could trip the power.

No problem we said, let’s get a new meter board that can run four A/C's. Maybe they could even put in a 15-amp plug so I can use the welder I bought a year ago.

Good, the plan is in motion.

Meter board goes in. (Imagine wavy lines as I gloss over the problems of getting approval from the landlord and getting the Sparky to quote then actually turn up to do the job. They have forgotten about quoting for the new A/C's. They have forgotten to bring a genset to run the fridges. They turn up without calling to see if anyone is home.)

They’re almost finished. Yay. Luckily I have a look before they finish speed-packing their truck and leave.

“Oh...umm...excuse me, where is the extra A/C switches and why isn't there a 15 plug on here?”

“Duh...the boss didn't say nuffink about that.”

“It’s only the whole and entire reason for getting the new board in.”

Shrugs.

I jump up and down and he reluctantly unpacks his tools to put in the A/C switches. He wants me to ring his boss about the 15-amp point. I'll ring all right.

I ring another Sparky, I’ll call him Sparky No. 2, to quote for installing the new A/C's. I’ve lost faith in Sparky No. 1.

Sparky No.2. will drop in sometime next week for a look. He won’t give time or date so I can make sure I’m home and can explain my needs.

It’s a friggin conspiracy.

(Like it? See – The whole world is against me - PART 2)

Writing

So I’ve quit the ‘real job’ and I write for a living. Getting a head full of ideas onto a computer that’s already loaded with partially finished stories is a freeing experience that I enjoy very much. Then there’s the other stuff.

I don't know how the publishing industry works. It seems I can’t just write, I must ‘network’ and publicise myself. I also need to set up ABN numbers, read submission guidelines, find freelance job offers, wash dishes and hang clothes. Getting everything done is difficult as writing is a selfish ‘zoning’ activity that chews time leaving nothing in reserve for other activities.

On the other hand working from home is paying off for all those other projects I have on the go. I can work on the house and car without feeling that I'm burning up a rest day. I don't have reserve enough energy to face another six days of heavy labour anymore.

I thought I'd kick off my meteoritic rise by submitting one of my completed short fiction stories to smaller publishers. I dug out a finished story that I wrote for my sister. She’d been on my back about not writing. At the time the story flowed out of me very easily. I was happy with it, even the annoying ending that lacked closure, (in some people’s view). I started to tidy it up a little and ended up with a total rewrite after discovering many continuance flaws. The story has evolved into a much more substantial piece of work. That’s all well and good but it no longer fits the submission guidelines. Bugger. Start new story.

I've stopped telling people I'm a freelance writer. They always ask, "What do you write?" I immediately want to answer ‘Horror and Science Fiction’ but that doesn’t cover Alternate Realities, reviews or this blog. The coverall ‘Speculative Fiction’ is slightly cringe-worthy for some reason I haven’t pinpointed yet.

I suppose I’d like to say that I’m an entertainer and see what evolves.

(Like it? See - Death)

Manual labourer enters the virtual world

I’m here. Finally. Thanks to my sisters' patience I have a blog. I really had to shed a few preconceptions before being convinced to get on here. I didn’t even know what a blog was until half an hour ago.

I've worked as a semi-skilled labourer (a pliable and multi-faceted job description), for the past 20 years, around Australia and overseas. Working with my hands and letting my brain freewheel a bit too much. I’m going through a change of life. There’s a lot of mental exercise in store for my flabby cerebral machine.

So what do I need a blog for? I’m going to share, because that’s the type of bloke I am. I’m going to leave my private diary full of personal thoughts and images lying around the web for anyone to read. It’s a strange concept.

I would like my blog to amuse and lighten your life if only by a few minutes or seconds. It’ll also serve as a springboard for ideas, occasional rants, and observations. I hope you don’t mind if I flounder around a bit until I find my target audience. Even at this moment I am learning the importance of editing to avoid overfilling my calendar with law suit court dates.

I’m a slow starter in this medium having become isolated from the emerging technologies. I’m overly careful at times as I like a certain amount of stability. I don't buy series one cars, I buy computer programs well after beta testing and I still know nothing about Bluetooth, iPod’s and MP3 players. Something to do with music?

Jamming my brain into the fast moving world that used to pass me by is going to be an interesting/frustrating time.

The kids of today have it much tougher than us X’ers. They have to, and are able to, keep up with every new gadget that floods the market. I remember how hard we thought it was in the olden days when the first home computers, microwaves and VCR's came out. If you got your clock working on the VCR and your microwave, you were a legend. After the first power outage mine flashed 12:00 for the rest of its life.

(Like it? See - Underground Mining)